Growing with the Flow
In my own journey through life, I’ve often found myself caught between the relentless push to control every detail and the serene wisdom of going with the flow. It can be an uncomfortable paradox and often feels like the height of irony. Control can make us feel safe and secure within our contexts. Fortunately, with life experience comes the realization that outside of keeping ourselves physically and mentally safe and secure, many aspects of life are outside of our control.
I recently had a conversation with my teenage son about why people care about events outside of their own country. The discussion quickly transitioned into a discussion about control. He asked, “why care if we can’t control the outcome”? I quickly realized that my philosophy is wrapped up in the word, care.
To care, to try, to pursue are deeply human characteristics. The task of living becomes how to hold our sanity while balancing care with lack of control. Living in the balance is a matter of flow.
A Personal Philosophy of Flow
My internal life is like a mullet: business on the outside, party on the inside. I yearn for freedom and flow in all aspects of life. Easy breezy is how I like to think of myself. In reality, I’m anything but! Focused, driven, relentless pursuits of ‘progress’ color many of the days of my life. I’ve learned to find joy in the pursuits. I’ve also learned to hold the pursuits lightly, so I don’t close myself to unexpected opportunities.
The idea of going with the flow resonates deeply with me, especially as I reflect on ancient philosophies like Buddhism. Buddhism teaches non-attachment, encouraging us to let go of rigid expectations to find inner peace. Embracing a non-attachment mindset has profoundly influenced how I approach challenges and changes in my life.
Learning Adaptability and Resilience
I wish I could say that practicing non-attachment has made life easier for me. I have not yet reached nirvana. It can be incredibly challenging to let go. Sometimes it’s OK to not let go. For example, I am perfectly fine being attached to NOT having gray hair. I’m not letting go of that attachment anytime soon.
But seriously, life has a way of throwing unexpected events our way, and rigid plans often crumble under pressure. I’ve found that by adopting a more flexible approach, I can respond to challenges more effectively. This doesn’t mean abandoning my goals; instead, it involves being open to new possibilities and adjusting my path as needed. This flexibility has helped me develop resilience, allowing me to bounce back from setbacks and view obstacles as opportunities for growth.
And just to be clear, the path has never been a straight line.
Cultivating Presence and Mindfulness
There is nothing more peaceful than being the observer of my story instead of a subject in my story. Why? As the observer I have perspective. I see myself as one of many actors and it becomes crystal clear that control serves no one in the play.
Practicing non-attachment and going with the flow has also helped me cultivate a deeper sense of presence and mindfulness. In the past, I often found myself preoccupied with future worries or past regrets, which led to unnecessary stress and a diminished quality of life. By embracing the flow, I’ve learned to be more present in the moment.
My mindfulness journey started out with formal learning in Buddhist and mindfulness communities. This formal learning provided an excellent anchor for a lifelong practice of letting go. My mindfulness education feels like home and what I love about that is that I can have a homecoming any time I choose. I don’t meditate every day. I’ve tried shoulding myself about that, but I’ve also let that go. What works for me is a combination of mindfulness, community, coaching, therapy and most importantly for me, nature.
Finding Harmony with Nature
I am most mindful in nature. My mindful homecomings often take place when I’m walking on a nature path. The natural surroundings help to remind me that I’m part of something bigger than my current circumstances. I’ve come to appreciate how nature operates in cycles and rhythms, from the changing seasons to the ebb and flow of tides. By observing and aligning with these natural patterns, I’ve found a sense of harmony and balance. This connection allows me to experience life more fully, noticing the beauty and intricacies of my surroundings that I might otherwise overlook.
The Magic of Flow
When you experience flow, you know it. For me, energy and excitement is palpable. Just today, on my nature walk I was able to gain clarity around a difficult decision and generate new ideas for my business. This came from a tiny shift: I decided to listen to inspirational music instead of my regular business book. I’m still in awe. It was a homecoming long overdue.
Of course, there is no one way to achieve flow in life, but just like I told my son, the caring or desire to get there is where the magic begins.
Resources to get in the flow
Mindfulness: Tara Brach is an excellent mindfulness teacher with many free resources. https://www.tarabrach.com/
Nature: Visit your local National Park. https://www.nps.gov/
Media: My favorite movie about growth https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk
